Category Archives: Uncategorized

forever trapped inside my head with all these rancid sewer thoughts collecting ‘til i’m dead never have i ever experienced this dread i’ll bury myself and suffocate beneath the blankets on my bed

it feels like you forgot telling me you’d change now all that i’ve got is misery and shame publishing your love on napkins from jail i thought i was enough but you only left me frail and these last six years destroyed my whole being all of these new fears have really been misleading convincing …

Continue reading “Numb”

the abundance that comes from setting you free is just a reminder we’re not meant to be

so now i’m leaving our home the only one we’d ever known where you’d sit on your throne i’d break my back — you’d play on your phone so many things you’ve never shown lack of compassion that i condoned all bloodied up with broken bones i take it back — i’d rather be alone

my chest feels so hollow thought i’d find myself and then you’d follow now all my days are filled with sorrow and constant searching for better tomorrows

if sadness was a person i could ask to leave my home would i ask them to stay so i wouldn’t be alone

every time i fall back on to my bed i secretly wish it was my grave instead

i’ve finally succeeded in becoming numb i know if you were here you’d say i’m pretty dumb cause i took a bunch of pills to make it go away but now my eyes are fixed in a catatonic gaze

lately i shower 8 times day just trying to wash the sad away said you would, but you didn’t stay so i’ll stay stuck here in my dismay

masking has been tiring lately and i’m just waiting to collapse i don’t feel very present like i’ve been living in the past

white knuckles i held on too tight, for too long why suffer when letting go makes you strong i think that maybe i might better off alone i’ll get a grip — and carve you right out of my bones

“it all comes in waves” some I swear — could take me away caught in an undertow just waiting to decay i never thought that i’d be scared to leave this place with all these washed up memories being thrown back in my face

you only want me when i’m not around unavailable — and out of bounds you like it better when i make no sound so i’ll shut my mouth and try to keep it down you only like me when i wear a frown feeling low and can’t get off the ground swore you’d stay but …

Continue reading “Lost & Found”

and yet again — i’m choking on every word i’ve ever said count all the times i left my body — dissociate from my own head was it worth it? you have me lying in my bed pondering up all these thoughts i guess i’ll sleep when i am dead

lately the air smells like memories of you it’s making me sick to my stomach there’s so much that i can’t undo

uncertainty has got the best of me swallowed deep within the depths of its belly will it spit me out guess we’ll have to see you’ll be sure to find me washed up eventually

sunlight in your eyes swear i’d die a thousand times just to see that again oh, you shine so bright “maybe another night” you know that i’ll be here ‘til then

my brain tells me that i’m boring so you must think so too i guess i’ll just sit and think of something else to do

it always feels like my work is never done and i quit my job back before 2021 so why does it seem like i’ll never get a break i’m pulling my hair out when i should be in a better mental state

you hang around in my sink so much so it’s hard to think and every time that you’re put away you show back up another day