Author Archives: Amanda Rose

Anxiety always shows up unannounced she knocks on my door so violently and although i try to ignore her she lets herself in anyways so now she is a part of my home because she never wants to leave and i am always too afraid to ask her

i always hear you on the stairs even though you’re not there and i think the house is scared just as much as i am every creaking board screams to me that it’s awaiting your angry footsteps too so we both rot here waiting for it to pass

yeah — you might miss him, but didn’t you miss yourself more?

some people tell me that i view the world only in black and white — that the gray area doesn’t exist in my mind; i think they’re wrong — i enjoy neutral tones because they’re comfortable but i watched the leaves catch fire by autumn foliage and saw how they weren’t afraid of being bold …

Continue reading “Feuille Morte”

i know i can’t go back to rewrite the pages that i’ve already read but i’m trying my best to write these new chapters so the protagonist can’t be consumed by the antagonists ever again — and i’m making myself a promise that i will be the champion of my own story; come what may

if “home is in your head” then i’m better off dead

it seems so easy for me to let this place swallow me whole that i forget that i have arms and legs to fight back with and a heart and mind that know better than to wallow in the belly of sorrow and loneliness

it seems like it’s stinging a little less with each new day and i’m wondering if this is what it feels like to be reborn and abandon all you once knew

coming home hasn’t felt as lonely but the silence eats me alive and your ghost still lingers here so i’m scared to sleep at night

this autumn i think i’ll turn a new leaf and change with the seasons for the better i’ll learn to let go of things out of my control and forget your name letter by letter

how do you keep going, surrounded by ruin?

i’m sick to my stomach all over again rereading our last words to one another and i never told you i loved you back because you should already know by now and i’ve been blaming myself for everything that you did wrong when it wasn’t my fault to begin with so when are you gunna …

Continue reading “Hi Honey”

you and i went sour long ago but i kept wanting more helpings of our expired love

your sea was never calm but i’ve only ever known chaos so i practiced holding my breath for when you left me underwater and you would push me away and roll me in with the tides every time i reached your depths but no matter how many times your crashing waves left me mangled i …

Continue reading “Wallowing”

i’ll tell you what — i feel immensely hollow without you but i’d rather be empty than full of despondency

i know this is for the best but it feels like i’m dying every second i’m without that heartbeat inside your chest and my skin misses yours and i’ve been wondering if yours misses mine too but it’s too late for that and i’ve gotta get over you

i kept watch as everyone seemed to be getting along fine as i stood there still nothing changed for me or my mind but i found peace and comfort in knowing they all seemed to have it figured out and one day i just might be getting along fine i guess i’ll wait but i …

Continue reading “Chasm”

it’s hard to move forward when you’re still here collecting dust

hey, it’s me not Hannah, but you get the idea — maybe this is the only way that you’ll listen there’s no cassettes because we both know writing has always been my outlet so you’ll have to take your time and read each line and imagine me saying this out loud: “You are the reason …

Continue reading “Hannah Baker”

my throat feels raw from swallowing all these stones that are helping me build up this wall inside