My chest felt like it was collapsing, like I was standing on the edge of an unstable cliff, awaiting my fate with the earth below. I tried to not let it consume me, though I could feel it weave it’s way intricately through the fibers deep within me. I tried to hold it in. I …
Author Archives: Amanda Rose
Questioned Worth
Are there enough rations to satisfy you? It seems as though mine aren’t my own, And I’m living for you and everyone else. Is this even living at all? My existence is yours, So what does that leave me?
Note to Self Pt. 2
Fighting the ongoing war within me, and me, and, oh yeah, also me, calls for another impulsive “Note to Self” — so there are no excuses to not be the best version of whichever me I am today. 1. Don’t complain, cause what the hell does it do for you anyways? Spike your anxiety? Yeah, …
If I Don’t Feel Like Home Anymore
If I don’t feel like home anymore, you don’t have to stay. You can venture all over creation to find that feeling you’re yearning for; the feeling I once gave you. If I don’t feel like home anymore, you can leave. You will be forever freed from my arms that have held you like four …
Chameleon
And I could see you changing — I could see the walls coming down. You were exposed, but only for me to see. It was real and raw, and I was afraid with you — I’m still afraid. And I still don’t know how much to show or what I should hold back. Because …
Counting Days
12 days 7 days 5 days 3 days A collection of times where I kept track of all our conversations; all of our moments. I compared days and feelings and wondered if I was aging with each day and if you’d feel differently— or when, you’d feel differently. My very own collective works of the …
Neglected
You can’t tell me how to cut my hair anymore. I can have it long or short, or have it hacked off altogether. And I can sleep with the tv on — I can let the lights dance from the screen, across my room, and over my eyelids. I’ll feel a sense of comfort from …
Love by Land and Sea
You loved me when I was lost; you were lost too. I struggled to fight my demons but conquered them, with you by my side. When I was finally ready to leave the darkness, you let your demons consume you. I waited for you day and night to take over those demons, but everything remained …
Undeserving
you don’t deserve my love anymore but i keep giving it to you anyways
Note to Self
Please reread this to yourself everyday, because you’re losing you. You don’t have to constantly stare at your phone waiting for a reply. People are busy, it’s not your fault; you said nothing wrong. Stop judging yourself so harshly. You’re beautiful, bitch. Try to stop being so panicky. Just because you’re stuck now doesn’t mean …
You and Pine
Anything pine-scented reminds me of you. Every Christmas and every birthday I bought you candles that reeked of the forest; your happy place where you could lose yourself in the wilderness. Most of the time, you forgot to burn them. They sat and collected dust that I routinely brushed away, hoping you’d remember them after …
Parasitic
My stomach is in knots over the constant war going on within me. I can feel my heartbeat vibrating every inch of my body. My organs are merely caged animals, fighting for the scraps of stress I feed them daily; they are riddled with that parasitic nature, now. The anxiety won’t leave me, though I …
Lately
It seems I’m constantly regressing; forever trying to relive events that occurred when I had a piece of myself to love. Lately I’ve been traveling back to when I was feeling sorry. Back then, it was so easy to just tilt my head back and let the bottle do the work; it was easy to …
Talk-Talk
They go back and forth like this all the time. “You can do this,” my head tells my heart, but my heart is foolish and always has been. It enjoys being wounded, so my head lies to comfort its old friend. But my head has a conscience that says, “I told you lies.” My heart …
“I’m just a dreamer, but I’m hanging on, though I am nothing big to offer.”
My first blog post. My thoughts? Whoa. I’ve thought about starting a blog for quite some time. Now that I finally have hiked up the courage to push myself further as a writer, I am sitting here staring at the letters on the keys, as if I’ve forgotten the alphabet. I’m extremely anxious. I’m almost …
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