Author Archives: Amanda Rose

all you’ve ever known was home after broken home i wish you didn’t choose to make one of your own

what if i stopped asking questions constantly seeking external validation and started trusting myself enough to already know the answers

i want so badly to be like them calm, relaxed, poised — content

if i had a safe space to write about these things where would i start? where would i begin?

it’s your birthday and i’m in the worst way sitting here crying feels like i’m dying wishing things could change i tell them i’m okay there’s nothing else to say it all feels the same i wish things would change why did you go away?

if i lay here long enough among the trees i’ll become dust whispering winds that move the brush rustle the leaves it sounds so lush and if psithurism is all i will be i hope you’ll sit and listen to me find comfort in my dancing leaves and know that now i’m finally free

things seem to be taking time god knows that i’m taking mine sink and drown but i’m just fine i’ll marinate in this teary brine

it’s hard to tell the difference between whether i’m letting myself heal or letting myself rot while i’m sitting here breathing

there’s not enough room here for me or my i’ve got pain stacked in boxes eighty miles high

if you were here i swear that i’d start to get better i would pull my shit together my heart is tired of being weathered if you were here things might start to make sense living wouldn’t feel so dense my lungs are caving inside my chest

growing up meant growing tired and i’m growing away from any growth at all i’m growing old and it’s growing on my last nerve maybe these are just growing pains how could i know — will i ever grow?

feeling so uncomfortable sitting in this skin wish that i could shed it evolve and start again

washed up or out mangled about tangled inside of these doubts the eternal bout

i always said i’d rather be alone now here i am nothing — unknown

i think at this point i’d rather be alone isn’t that how i’ll end up when i’m nothing but bone?

the saddest thing is that she doesn’t believe in herself when everyone else does

i always say that “i’m gunna do something different” happens every day yet i keep this sorrow consistent will i ever change guess i’ll have to be more persistent in my head all day kick myself outta there — i’m evicted

i’m in my head too much i’m sick of feeling stuck i meditate i sit and wait but i keep giving up i’m feeling really low it’s obvious — it shows i’m crying in my bed alone and no one even knows i’m in my head — it’s rough locked up in mental cuffs i …

Continue reading “I’m In My Head Too Much”

eventually it hits you it — being the crushing weight of reality that things will never be the same

my mind is wandering to places it has never been exploring all the possibilities i make up in my head what if this what if that what if i can never mend am i escaping from reality just to lose myself instead